(Here is the Deadpool article I wrote. It's a bit cracky and probably has minor spelling mistakes. Enjoy.
)Why Deadpool Is A BAMF and Why You Should Know And Fear Him.
So, after reading a few wiki articles, I have decided that I now have a favorite Marvel character: Deadpool.
This guy is awesome, in an insane way. (No, literally, he’s insane.) It’s really hard to explain why he’s so awesome without writing something so long no one will read it, but I don’t care. I’ll try. (If you already know how Deadpool came to be Deadpool than you can skip the next few paragraphs.)
Deadpool (real name Wade Wilson) is a mutant mercenary and anti-hero. He became a well known mercenary in his late teens/early twenties (way before he ever took the name Deadpool) due to his heightened speed/strength/agility est. Well, unfortunately Wade went and contacted cancer. He was all set to bite the dust when he was offered to be a member of a secret Canadian government program for mutants in exchange for a “cure” to his cancer.
Basically he was implanted with some DNA from Wolverine that kept his caner at bay, but he got himself kicked off the team and was to this place called “Hospice” where failed members of the organization were treated. Unfortunately, this place was being run by sadists who liked to run horrible experiments on their patients, betting in a “deadpool” to see how long different patients survived.
Now here’s where things start to get really badass. Over the process of their treatment, where Wade was constantly being tortured and slowly gaining large amounts of hideous scaring over his body, he started a romance with the personification of Death. (Yes, our soon-to-be-Deadpool was so fucking badass, that Death herself wanted to bang him. And this is before he even really becomes infamous.)
Anyway, he kept trying to kill himself so he could join her but his plans kept getting foiled. However, not being afraid to die, he often taunted one of the head doctors named Ajax, until he pissed him off so much that Ajax lobotomized another patient Wade was fond of. Out of pity, Wade kills this patients, but there’s a rule in the facility that if one patient kills another, then they must be executed. So Ajax rips out Wade’s heart.
Of course, our favorite merc isn’t gonna go down without a fight. See, the healing factor he was given years earlier was suddenly shocked into evolving into full blow accelerated regeneration, and he actually reforms his heart and returns to life, though unfortunately not healing his scars. Well, understandably Wade is a bit pissed, so he hunts down Ajax, attacks him, leaves him for dead, and escapes Hospice, taking the name Deadpool.(Those who skipped, start here.)
Now, it’s hard to catalog Deadpool’s exploits from here on out, as they are numerous, very confusing, often involving teleportation, returning from the dead, traversing different dimensions of the multiverse, meeting different versions of himself, double-crossing enemies, triple-crossing enemies, saying “Fuck it” and just killing everyone, then deciding to try and not kill so many people next time, then saying “Screw it” and going right back to killing people, falling for pretty girls, forming weird ass love triangles with pretty girls, loosing his memory (a lot), switching powers with people, passing his own powers along to others, getting others people’s DNA mixed in with his own and vice versa, being doubled cross himself, kidnapping/harming/battling people only to become friends with them (yet most of them he’s still willing to double cross), sharing a single body with other people, pissing off the X-Men, trying to join the X-Men, having fun screwing around with the X-Mens’ heads, having fun screwing with the X-Mens’ enemies, having fun screwing with anyone, and much more. So, to sum it up, they’re more often than not straight up “lolwut?” inducing.
So, lets just get on to some of Deadpool’s more interesting personality traits, which is what really makes me like his character.
1) He’s like a goddamn ninja meets a crack ridden, gun toting, pyromaniac of a teenager with ADD. He is one of the most skilled fighters in all of the Marvel Universe and it’s said that Wade can use any weapon know to man and learn how to use the weapon in less than five minutes. He often uses guns, katanas, and grenades. He can can recover from anything basically. He’s had his heart ripped out, been shot, stabbed, drowned, blown up, decapitated, defenestrated, dismembered, put through a meat grinder (literally), and had various other violent acts committed against him. He remains living. (The Healing Factor that keeps his alive also causes his brain cells to in a constant state of flux, which makes him immune to psychics AKA mind-reading.)
2) Despite all the awesomeness mentioned above, his greatest weapon is this: His mouth. Deadpool is infamous, for his mouth and what comes out of it. (His nick name is “Merc With A Mouth.”) He is literally ADD and he will spit out the strangest most random things and distract you in battle until you either surrender or slip up and get your ass killed. Example: Deadpool commonly develops obsessions with words and people, repeatedly mentioning the words duodenum and chimichanga, the phrase “Sphincter says what?”, and is frequently preoccupied by thoughts of Bea Arthur, Ernest Borgnine, and the Olsen Twins. A reaccuring gag of his is when he calls guns “doorknobs”. While holding a pair of guns in his hands, he spoke a famous line: “Doorknobs don’t kill people, I kill people.”
Though some people might think the constant stare of flux in his brain is what causes him to have his witty banter and ADD-type personality, this is false. As Deadpool himself once put it: “That’s just the way I am, bitch!”
3) I think it’s pretty obvious that Deadpool isn’t right in the head, but lets just get this out in the open: Deadpool is sick enough to be considered clinically insane ten times over. He will really do anything that pops into his mind and he is anything but conventional. Example A) his friends.
To start, he has two good friends, one of which is Weasel. Weasel is a somewhat skeevy guy who sales weapons illegally. Deadpool often beats the crap out of him for info (and is often sold out by Weasel to his enemies) but strangely they remain friends and hang out. However, it should be noted that Deadpool has stabbed Weasel in the leg over the last Cheezy Puff before. (Yes, you just read that right.)
His other friend is a blind woman named Blind Al. She’s a British politician that Deadpool was suppose to kill, but she escaped, and when he tracked her down he just happens to decided to kidnap her and keep her prisoner in his home instead of killing her. Even though he eventually lets her go, he was known to have fits of cruelty, one sticking her inside of a room filled with sharp objects by herself.
So, as you can see, he’s not adverse to being cruel. Despite this, it doesn’t seem he would permanently injure either of these two. And as of late, to Deadpool’s credit, he’s tried to curb his more violent impulses just a little. Still, if you pay enough, he’ll kill just about anyone. And probably enjoy it.
4. Probably the most interesting thing about Deadpool is the fact that he constantly breaks the fouth wall. Deadpool actually knows he’s in a comic book. And often comments on this fact. He’ll talk about what type of thought/speech bubbles he has (Deadpool has iconic yellow speech bubbles, which signifies a distinctive voice) or how he hasn’t seen another character since “Issue (insert number)”. When addressing whether his true name really his Wade Wilson, he makes the comment “It depends on which writer you like.”
5) Fun fact: Deadpool’s body is highly resistant to most drugs and toxins. This makes it extremely difficult though not impossible for him to become intoxicated. Blind Al made several references to Deadpool being hung over since he once drunkenly spoke to the Telletubbies on the TV he was watching. (He can, however, be affected by certain drugs, such as tranquilizers, if exposed to a massive enough dose.)
6) Another thing I like it the running gag between him and Deathstroke. Deathstroke his a DC villain who has near identical fighting skills and appearance, though a completely different personality. When Deadpool was first created the creators realized he appeared very close to Deathstroke and actively played this up as a gag, even basing his name (Wade Wilson) off of Deathstoke’s name “Slade Wilson.”
Deadpool has commented about how he doesn’t want to do a DC Crossover because he thinks he’ll be mistake for a “certain DC character” but it happened anyway. When they met, they fought, and Deadpool annoyed the hell out of Deathstroke with his mouth and inability to die.
7) Deadpool is so feared that X-Man Gambit (another Marvel character I’m fond of) actually paid him off rather than fight him. Why? Because Gambit’s not an idiot.
All in all, I really adore this character. He just seems really fun and if my mind were able to spit out a super-powered person, I’d like it to be him. No joking, he’s what would be born if me and my best friend Cricket had a brain-child together, as I find random, often violent or morbid, things hilarious, and she’s witty enough to turn these thoughts into catchy phrases. Together we’re an unstoppable crack/ADD ridden force of chaos and randomness.
Honestly, I think I might start using him as a mental spokesperson/disclaimer/mascot along with the Joker, Batman, and Rorschach. There’s “Batman-Approves” (as well as “Batman Would Not Approve”), “Rorschach-Approved” (and “Rorschach would not approve”), “Joker Approves”, and now “Deadpool Approve” (however, neither would ever “disapprove” of anything.)
I’ve got Lawful-Good, Lawful-Neutral, Chaotic-Evil, and Chaotic-Neutral!
Additional Moment of Awesome: Once, after being "killed" by Norman Osborn Deadpool teleports and appears behind him while Osborn is on national TV, holding the sign "respawn lol."